Sometimes, we do not realize what we have achieved from what we have been doing. And sometimes, it is hard to change our mental horizon and physical and mental habits easily just because we want to change. I am aware that I was kind of quiet and introvert person for most of my lives. It was hard for me to vent out my expressions easily unless I was really comfortable with the circle. By profession, I was a teacher for more than six years. Sharing my knowledge and teaching was limited within the school areas within few hundreds of familiar same faces everyday. The teacher was supposed to be a Mr. Know All person. There was no doubt. It was just one way of communication. You try to give it all what you have but rarely get back since there was not an environment where you learn from the students. It was because students were supposed to listen to what the teachers say. Teachers can not be wrong. However, I enjoyed a lot even during my time teaching students. I love the school children and I never questioned in my teaching profession since I was fully satisfied with my job. It was because we were the foundation of the school. We used to be busy in the school from the morning till night. Our physical presence at our home was very minimal. We used to be present at home only for few hours, for breakfast and dinner. That's how we reached so far in establishing the first kind of ideal school in Nepal (Jyotidaya Co-operative School) which is neither a government nor a private. The school started with nothing but with few chairs and local made (sukuls) mats. The continuous hard effort, optimism and trust of the community people led the foundation of the success of the school. We were even happy when we were hardly able to manage pocket money for more almost more than a year. We get black tea in our lunch and get back to home really being super hungry. There were good times, hard times and worrying times. But we made it possible. Now we have around 300 students and among them some 40 students are getting scholarships who are either orphans or from economically disadvantaged families. Sad in a way that I could not continue working physically due to my academic journey.
Working with the refugees made me internalize myself. My job was to orient US-bound refugees on the US culture and lives. It was the time when there was great confusion and rumor among the refugee population about the resettlement processes. Lot of people had huge doubts about the resettlement processes. The whole resettlement process was against the norms and beliefs for some people. Refugees getting ready for the resettlement process literally means, closing the door to Bhutan permanently in a way. That was the reason, there were voices against resettlement programs in Nepal in specially in 2007 and 2008. There were many campaigns inside the camps to stop the resettlement program. Many people were warned and threatened not to go through the process of resettlement. IOM and UNHCR at one hand spreading the awareness programs of the resettlement and on the other hands, some anti-resettlement groups, spreading the rumors about resettlement. Two things went together. Coming to the IOM gate with the hope of being resettled in the third country could mean life threatening punishment during that time. Taking step to be admitted for resettlement process was mentally a challenge for the refugees. Who would not choose when one has a better option? Left with nothing in the camps for more than seventeen years with having identity crisis is not what a normal human being expects in his/her life. During that time, though I was new to my profession, I pondered and wondered myself- those who oppose the resettlement programs should provide the alternative way if they were to obstruct those who dream about being resettled in any of the third countries. It was already obvious that repatriation was never going to be possible in Nepal. Politically, unless India and Bhutan want refugees to be back to Bhutan, Nepal merely could do nothing about it. Knowing the hard fact, it was unfortunate that some so called leaders created obstructions for those who dared to dream.
Because of the massive rumors in the camp about resettlement programs, my job was not that easy for the first half a year. Albeit having course curriculum, sometimes, we never got to follow it because of so many questions we get from the participants. Spending almost two decades in the camps and suddenly thinking about being resettled in the most developed (specially US) had to be dream for many. I could imagine putting myself in their shoes. It would have been easy for those teenagers but what about the elderly people? Cultural values, norms, practices, and so on. Psychological changes...... it was not an easy job. Everyday, there used to be new rumors hitting around the camps. And the participants really wanted to be sure and not just only sure but 100% sure about the facts. Imagine going to moon when you do not have enough idea about the moon and all the knowledge you have got is rumor!!! Frustrating.. that was the situation and condition during that time. I would even doubt some people might be thinking all the time how might they get out the IOM gate without being watched or noticed by the people outside. They could be targeted if seen by anti-resettlement groups. Fear engulfed many. After all it was life. Convincing and telling them about the fact and satisfying them with the hard facts and reality was not an easy task. This was how I became more vocal. I would not have done this job, being silent and introvert. I would not have done this job being quiet and mumbling. I would not have done this job without making them feel comfortable. The job seems to be easy now, but it was not before. It must have been so easy now since almost all the participants have their relatives in the host countries. For sure, there are more phone calls, videos, articles and people have more information now. Many refugees now know that resettlement is an opportunity for many of them knocking their doors for new life. One can learn more when there's no pressure and fear. Now, after few years of the resettlement programs being launched in Nepal, I can see the changing lives within the refugee population. They have become global citizens. I have even met some of the resettled refugees in Geneva in 2009 protesting against the autocratic Bhutanese government for expelling them. Seeing the changes in the lives of refugees and working with them so closely, I see that I am not the same person. I can internalize changes within me and there's no doubt, it's positive. Time is never the same. It takes time but need patience. When some of those participants exchange few words through emails and internet saying that their lives changed. And when I get to visit some of them and get warm welcome in their well furnished house, I happiness know no bounds. I did visit couple of refugee families in the Netherlands, I saw their new lives. When you get to meet someone who would have already died because of heart disease or would have been going through excruciating pain and would be struggling with death and life in Nepal, is having normal life in the Netherlands, would certainly make you feel very happy.That was the time when I got more satisfied with my job though I have already left my job. I knew I was doing my job during that time and I was also doing for someone. However, I was also doing it for myself. That's why I received more than I gave.
The first cohort of refugees resettled in the US. (Picture taken in 2008 March- Fort Worth, Texas)
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